Women are known to be social creatures. It is the way God has made us – so that we can spend every day in the company of our children. It is a gift – to be sensitive to the emotional needs and desires of others around us. But, by the same token, we tend to deal with loneliness quite often in some form.
I have went through periods of deep loneliness, and I have talked to many other women who feel lonely. Some feel alone in their family, some in their church, others in their marriages.
What are we to do when we feel alone?
First of all, we must recognize that feelings are unfaithful friends – changing at the whim of how we feel when we wake up, or how the day is going or whatever. We simply cannot go by our feelings. Lay them aside and find the Truth. Truth will set you free – even from sad and lonely feelings.
We must understand that no one on this earth can ever truly satisfy our longing for fellowship, understanding and love. Family misunderstands, friends betray, and husbands fail us. Only Jesus knows our every temptation and struggle,(Heb.4:15) every thought and motive, (Heb. 4:12) and still loves us unconditionally(Rom. 5:8) Remember – He was betrayed by one of His closest friends! Judas betrayed Him, Peter denied knowing Him, and some of His friends didn’t even recognize Him. (Luke 24:16)
We need to build a relationship with Jesus, and find our security and acceptance in Him. Once we truly understand how much he loves us, and how faithful and true He is in relationships,(Heb. 13:5) we will never need to feel lonely. Jesus is the only one who can fulfill the longings of our heart. He is the only one who can bring lasting joy and contentment.
“But what about them? Isn’t my husband/friend/sister supposed to treat me better? They claim to be Christians!”
When Peter asked Jesus a question regarding what his fellow disciple should do – Jesus said: “What is that to you? You follow Me!” (John 21:22) We are not responsible for the actions of others. We cannot change people. We can only change ourselves. Perhaps your husband or your sister in the church isn’t being Christ-like. Remember – you are also an imperfect human who has faults. I have found that it is good to think about my own sins, if I am tempted to start judging another persons’ sins! We must overlook sins against ourselves and treat them with love and care anyways. (1 Peter 4:8)
“But I don’t have any friends!”
If people on this earth forget you and leave you lonely – consider it a gift from God, to draw you into a closer relationship with Himself. He wants to fulfill us, comfort us, be our closest and truest Friend.
One of the best ways to deal with feelings of loneliness is to pour your life into others. Especially those who perhaps can’t return the blessing. There is always someone we can bless and encourage!
Busy moms could use help, older ladies are perhaps lonely themselves, but scared to reach out. Single ladies also need friends and encouragement. Take someone out for coffee. Invite someone over. Don’t wait for the perfect time, or when you have enough money to do it ‘right’. There is no right way. You can bless someone without money. Brew some tea and invite someone over for an hour or two of sweet fellowship. You don’t need a spotless house to be hospitable. You just need a heart that cares. People need friends. Be one! Lay down your need to be fulfilled, and start caring for others. Think of what you can do today to bless and encourage a sister in the church. Perhaps its a meal made and delivered for the tired, pregnant sister. Perhaps it is a text or phone call to encourage that sister who is going through a tough time. Invite the young wife into your home and your life – show her the beauty that you have found in your home and your marriage.
When I was a new wife, something that made a huge impact on me was when a sister in the church invited me into her home, and showed me (by example) how to love my husband, care for my children, and find great joy in the process. She didn’t have much money, she lived in a modest home, but she would serve me soup and crackers with grace. She helped me get through morning-sickness, homesickness, and learning to manage a home. I never forgot the love she demonstrated to me, her family, and God. Don’t wait for the timing to be right, or to feel ‘spiritual’. Just be a friend. You may find – in the process – that your need for friendship is greatly reduced, for when you invest in others, it has a way of returning to bless you in the end.
Remember the words of Scripture: ” I have shewed you all things, how that so labouring ye ought to support the weak, and to remember the words of the Lord Jesus, how he said, It is more blessed to give than to receive.” (Acts 20:35)