Six Reasons Your Husband May Not Like Your Women’s Group by Erin Davis

Erin Davis

Erin Davis

Ladies’ Bible studies are a staple in most of our churches. That’s a good thing! Titus 2:3–5 tells us that it is God’s design that women teach God’s Word to each other. But have you ever wondered what those closest to you really think about your women’s group?

I polled my wise (and handsome!) husband about the reasons why husbands might not be mega-fans of their wives’ women’s group. His answers were surprising, thoughtful, and more than a little convicting.

Here are six reasons why your husband may not like your women’s group.

1. You come home with a to-do list for him.

Here’s how this might look at my house . . .

My weekly Bible study group hones in on the passage Ephesians 5:22–33. It outlines God’s blueprint for a beautiful and Christ-exalting marriage. There are specific instructions for both husbands and wives, but my heart parks on verse 25.

“Husbands, love your wives, as Christ love the church and gave himself up for her.”

The more I think about it, the more it’s clear that my husband isn’t loving me in this way. When I get home from Bible study, I decide I should help the Holy Spirit in making my husband more like Jesus. I sit him down for a “state of the relationship address” with a plan to talk about some of the ways I feel like he isn’t loving me as well as he should.

Stop looking at the Word with an agenda to “fix” your husband, children, or others.

This might be comical if it weren’t so true. It is easy to look at Scripture and see what others should be doing. It is much harder to view God’s Word through the lens of, “What should I be doing differently?” Jesus diagnosed this as plank-eye syndrome.

“Why do you see the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matt. 7:3).

When you look at Scripture both on your own and with other women, force yourself to ask these two questions:

  • What does this passage show me about God?
  • What does this passage show me about myself?

Stop looking at the Word with an agenda to “fix” your husband, children, or others.

2. You come home with other people’s stories.

Transparency in your women’s group is a good thing. It should be a safe place for women to take off their masks and get real about what’s going on in their lives. But what happens at Bible study should stay at Bible study. If you come home from your group and unload stories of whose marriage is in trouble, whose finances are out of whack, or who is facing a personal crisis at home, your husband becomes an unwilling participant in gossip, and that’s not good for anyone.

Proverbs 11:12–13 says,

“Whoever belittles his neighbor lacks sense, but a man of understanding remains silent. Whoever goes about slandering reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing covered.”

I know you may feel the need to get the deep stuff you’ve heard in your group off your chest. I know you may want to tell your husband “everything,” but a wise woman sees the hurts and trials shared with her by other women as precious treasures, to be kept close and prayed over often. Women are no more likely to spontaneously combust than our male counterparts. (I looked it up!) You will not burst into flames if you don’t run home and share every secret you heard at Bible study with your man.

3. You give your best to others.

“STOP EATING THOSE COOKIES THEY ARE FOR MY WOMEN’S BIBLE STUDY GROUP!”

Ever shout something similar to that at your husband and children?

Don’t put your best foot forward for your friends and give the leftovers to those at home.

Does your women’s group get your best cooking, best attitude, and best behavior while your family gets your worst behaviors and a frozen pizza? Don’t put your best foot forward for your friends and give the leftovers to those at home.

Remember that Titus 2 verse? It instructs us to be loving and kind to our husbands and children and busy at home. Give them the best of you. And if you’re in charge of snacks for Bible study . . . bake a double batch!

4. You complain about him there.

When women get together, the conversation almost always turns to relationships. It’s easy to default to complaining mode in the cocooned safety of other women whose husbands also forget to take out the trash. But using your women’s group as a sounding board for everything you’d like to change about your man isn’t the Titus 2 blueprint. Don’t use it as a place to vent about your children, coworkers, or in-laws either. Here is a good “rule” for the conversations among your group.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” (Eph. 4:29).

Don’t assume that everyone already knows this verse. Talk about if often. Maybe open each discussion by reading it out loud.

5. You resent “man time.”

Titus 2 isn’t just for women. Verses 1–2 are instructions for Titus, the male pastor of a growing church and say,

“But as for you, teach what accords with sound doctrine. Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and steadfastness.”

God’s design is that men teach each other the qualities of Christ-likeness, just like women teach women. But for my man, that doesn’t look like sitting around in a circle of other men with their Bible’s open.

It looks like standing in a trout stream with our pastor. It looks like taking a weekend hunting trip with the men from our small group. It looks like going out for coffee with his grandpa.

Give your man the freedom to learn from other men in non-traditional ways.

I’m the kind of gal who likes to have my husband near me 24/7, especially as we parent our three small children. It’s hard for me let him go do other things, especially if they seem frivolous to me, but he doesn’t seem to have my hang ups. He graciously encourages me to spend time with other women often. He doesn’t have a rubric for what quality time looks like. When I grow up, I want to be just like him.

Give your man the freedom to learn from other men in non-traditional ways.

6. You’re a hearer not a doer.

I once heard a pastor say, “It’s possible to sit in church for thirty years and just get meaner.”

The same could be said about women’s Bible studies. Female friends are great. Women’s Bible studies are great. But if it does not translate to a changed heart and life, it’s a lot like banging on a big ol’ gong.

James 1:22 cuts to the chase,

“But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves.”

Here’s a game plan to make sure your husband loves your women’s group.

  • Go to your women’s group.
  • (Leave some yummy goodies behind for him and the kids).
  • Roll up your sleeves and dig into God’s Word together.
  • And then put into practice what you’ve learned.
  • In other words, BE A DOER!

Used with permission. www.truewoman.com

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